I didn’t speak much when I was little. I mean, everyone knew me as ‘ the girl who draws’, because I’d spend all the time drawing princesses for them. But tbh, I did it because, you know…nobody actually spoke to me and I didn’t know what else to do. And sometimes, that’s good enough. I was kinda awkward with people, and it just came natural for me to draw more.
And quite frankly, drawing also made me connect with these strange kids that talked with each other. I could give them some part of me on a paper. And I liked that. But I was just as good at drawing as everybody else. I just did it more often.
I then went to art school since I was 10. I kept doing this drawing thing more and more. And one day, I woke up on my birthday and something happened. I turned into a mermaid. Ok, not really. It’s actually less mythological, but still legendary. All I wanted to do was paint. I didn’t wanna celebrate, I just wanted to make something that I’m actually proud of. I spent the whole day from morning till night painting like mad and did the same the next day. That was my weekend.
I’d never before put so much effort into anything. Spending tens of hours on some painting was something quite new to me. I was exhausted, but I loved it. And when I came to school with my painting, I showed it to my teacher. He was like whaaat? How’d this happen? Who dis? He would point to me all the rules of balance in my painting. And I was like…yeah, sure chromatic harmony…that’s exactly what I thought of…sure thing!
I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked my way back home. And people started to stare at me in a strange way. I started to think…‘hey maybe I’m actually good at this’. And the crazy thing was that just a few days before, I wasn’t ‘that talented’. I mean, I was quite good, but not -what in the world?!- kinda good. And just by spending 20..30 hours working on something in such a short period, I became so much better.
All those rules of balance that I used without noticing…I got used to them because I literally stared at drawings on Deviantart and art books all day long for 2 years, after I would come home from school.
My special talent was – just doing stuff. After I realised that all I needed is just a lil’ more effort if I wanted to be better at something, I felt for the first time that I could actually turn this thing into my vocation. I stopped believing that some people are just good at it. I stopped being annoyed at the fact that I couldn’t make things as cool as I wanted them to be and started to put that effort into getting there instead. And everything skyrocketed from there.
And here’s some stuff I did later that year…with tens of hours of work, trial and error.
Sometimes, you think you have no passion, because you think you can’t possibly do all things you can think of. That some have ‘gifts’. Man, I tell you. I was no better than anybody else in my craft, but I just kept doing it, and doing it, even if I would rip and chuck my drawings away, even if I would look at others and think…I could never be that good, even if for some reason my hand didn’t really get how cool I wanted that drawing to actually look like. Dumb hand…
You’re sometimes like: oh yeah, I’ll do this amazing thing, it will be SO amazing, and then…
“This is horrible, I’m horrible, the world is horrible, why is there no ice cream in the house?!…the world is mad!”
But even if that was playing in the back of my mind, I kept doing it. And it was hardcore. Only when I kept doing it and realised that yes…with work I can literally make anything happen, I found my passion.
My passion isn’t drawing. It’s simply making things happen. And I know that you have that passion too. So whatever it is – make it happen, for the sake of it. Make something happen and face the crap that comes with it. The thing is, whatever you’ll choose to do…even if it’s the best thing eveeerrr, you’ll definitely find things that can annoy you. Guaranteed. So, start small. Learn to do the dishes without getting pissed. And work from there. You’ll soon be an invincible zen monk.
Do you stumble with finding out what you wanna do?
Let me know in the comments below, and I’ll do my best to help out.